#✩ . * 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐎𝐍; queue.

[rgerzaa]

ʳᵉᵍᵃʳᵈˡᵉˢˢ   ᵒᶠ   the   two   of   them   sitting   and   holding   each   other’s   hand   –   fingers   intertwined   ,   palms   pressed   TOGETHER   ,   warmth   grown   between   them   ,   thumb   brushing   over   the   back   of   her   hand   softly   ...   –   regardless   of   all   of   that   ,   her   words   came   as   a   surprise   to   him   .   too   deep   sat   the   memory   or   ʳᵉʲᵉᶜᵗᶤᵒᶰ   .   the   plumpness   with   which   she’d   told   him   no   .   the   words   she   had   found   to   reason   with   him   .   he’d   NEVER   believed   a   single   one   ,   becky   in   his   eyes   always   the   one   .   ᵇᶤᵗᵗᵉʳ   ᵖᶤˡˡ   to   swallow   to   realize   that   things   had   been   different   for   her   .   that   years   and   decades   he   had   seen   something   ,   felt   something   ,   that   just   wasn’t   there   .   time   wasted   .   or   not   .   not   because   she   was   still   so   IMPORTANT   to   him   .   rejection   hadn’t   changed   that   ,   ᶰᵉᵛᵉʳ   ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ   .   she   held   that   special   place   in   his   heart   ,   was   at   home   right   there   .   the   whole   thing   might   as   well   belong   to   her   .   surprise   igniting   it   ,   giving   it   a   KICK   START   ,   causing   it   to   jump   however   ,   consciousness   has   build   up   walls   .   high   and   ready   to   protect   the   ᶠʳᵃᵍᶤˡᵉ   ᵖᵃʳᵗ   of   his   soul   .   

captain   quiet   for   a   moment   .   looking   at   their   hands   .   his   so   much   larger   than   hers   .   rough   .   a   ᶠᵉʷ   ˢᶜᵃʳˢ   visible   .   completely   in   contrast   to   hers   .   SOFT   SKIN   .   gentle   .   the   hand   of   a   lover   where   his   always   just   seemed   clumsy   next   to   her   .   he   wants   to   look   her   in   the   eye   but   when   steve   makes   an   attempt   ,   he   gets   nervous   .   so   gaze   REMAINS   focussed   on   where   they   are   ᵗᵒᵘᶜʰᶤᶰᵍ   .   “   what   made   you   ᶜʰᵃᶰᵍᵉ   ʸᵒᵘʳ   ᵐᶤᶰᵈ   ?   “   and   that   ,   truly   ,   all   that   he   wants   to   know   now   .   the   only   question   left   to   answer   because   regardless   of   high   guards   ,   regardless   of   the   set   back   ,   of   the   small   moment   of   HEARTBREAK   –   fck   all   of   that   .   if   becky   was   willing   to   give   him   a   chance   ,   captain   wouldn’t   mess   it   up   .   if   their   love   finally   got   an   opportunity   to   grow   ,   ʰᵉ   ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ   grab   it   .

@unexceptional​   sent:   “   i   like   the   sound   of   there   being   an   ‘us’   .   “

[rgerzaa]

gloved   fingers   ADJUSTING   the   velcro   on   the   other   wrist   to   tighten   fabric   around   it   .   eyebrow   dances   up   slightly   when   he   glances   over   to   the   younger   man   .   “   ᵈᵒ   ᵃᶰʸᵗʰᶤᶰᵍ   ?   “   short   pause   ,   thoughts   working   however   ...   “   what   did   you   think   we   were   going   to   be   doing   ?   “   steve   ʷᵃˢᶰ’ᵗ   ˢᵘʳᵉ   what   pietro   was   HINTING   at   though   ,   hands   sink   back   to   the   side   and   instead   ,   palm   meets   his   shoulder   to   give   it   an   encouraging   squeeze   .   questioning   eyes   find   those   of   him   ,   ᶰᵒᵗ   ʷᶤˡˡᶤᶰᵍ   to   ACCEPT   a   half-hearted   answer   .   

@hellspeed​   sent:   “   so   basically   this   means   we   can’t   do   anything   ?   “

[rgerzaa]

“   ʸᵒᵘ   ˢᵘʳᵉ   ?   i   can   train   without   ,   it’s   fine   .   “   though   steve   had   to   admit   that   he   felt   a   wave   of   excitement   when   archie   offered   him   one   of   his   ear   pods   .   the   gym   radio   would   SOMEHOW   have   brought   him   through   the   workout   for   sure   and   he’d   have   turned   down   the   offer   from   anyone   else   .   ʷᶤᵗʰ   ʰᶤᵐ   though   ...   he   felt   that   feeling   again   .   the   one   he   liked   to   pretend   wasn’t   there   .   THE   ONE   he   didn’t   want   to   give   more   room   until   he   wasn’t   sure   whether   archie   felt   the   same   .   he   could   ᶠᵉᵉˡ   ᵗʰᵉ   ˢᵃᵐᵉ   ,   right   ?   steve   wanted   to   think   he   stood   a   chance   .   wanted   to   believe   that   each   time   fingers   lingered   on   muscle   of   the   other   when   correcting   posture   ,   that   it   meant   SOMETHING   .   he   hoped   it   did   ...   ᶠᵒʳ   ᶰᵒʷ   ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ   ,   honest   smile   on   his   lips   when   he   takes   the   ear   bud   and   presses   it   into   the   shell   of   his   ear   .   sharing   music   like   this   feels   so   ᶤᶰᵗᶤᵐᵃᵗᵉ   ,   like   their   own   little   secret   .   steve   ready   to   dive   into   archie’s   world   and   yet   ...   tried   to   play   it   off   as   cool   as   POSSIBLE   .   didn’t   want   to   appear   too   eager   ,   too   enthusiastic   and   then   run   danger   of   ᵗᵘʳᶰᶤᶰᵍ   ʰᶤᵐ   ᵒᶠᶠ   .   “   thanks   ...   what   are   we   listening   to   ?   “

@dtective​   sent:   sender   and   receiver   listen   to   music   together

[rgerzaa]

he   is   laughing   even   though   tony   noticed   before   he   could   really   reveal   the   truth   .   steve   tries   to   keep   his   own   AMUSEMENT   at   a   limit   to   make   sure   the   other’s   don’t   catch   wind   of   it   .   he   doesn’t   really   want   to   explain   that   he’d   decided   to   go   ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵃᶰᵈᵒ   to   make   sure   they’d   go   home   early   .   tony’s   old   COLLEGE   FRIENDS   were   fun   to   hang   out   with   .   unless   you   were   married   and   had   three   kids   and   a   whole   house   to   take   care   of   .   where   tony   had   grown   up   it   ˢᵉᵉᵐᵉᵈ   ᵗʰᵃᵗ   some   of   his   buddies   weren’t   quite   THERE   YET   .   or   at   least   not   when   they   reunited   once   a   year   .   and   truly   ,   there   were   only   so   many   topics   steve   could   talk   about   with   the   wives   ,   only   ˢᵒ   ᵐᵃᶰʸ   ʲᵒᵏᵉˢ   he   could   crack   ,   just   so   much   cleaning   talk   before   he   got   bored   of   it   .   their   life   seemingly   not   complicated   enough   to   have   the   issues   these   people   seemed   to   have   .   or   maybe   just   not   COMPLICATED   when   it   came   to   their   relationship   and   their   family   .   good   .   he   ᵖʳᵉᶠᵉʳʳᵉᵈ   ᶤᵗ   that   way   .   but   it   also   lead   to   these   evenings   feeling   endless   .   so   ,   tricks   had   to   be   played   to   ensure   a   REASONABLE   bed   time   .   

"   good   ,   because   it   would   have   gotten   reeeeal   AWKWARD   if   you   made   me   pull   down   my   pants   to   ,   ᵇᵉˡᶤᵉᵛᵉ   ᵐᵉ   .   “   grinning   wide   ,   palm   finds   the   back   of   boyfriends   head   to   PULL   HIM   IN   ,   kiss   placed   against   his   lips   .   he   lingers   .   mouths   still   touching   when   they   talk   .   “   so   is   it   going   to   work   ?   can   we   ᵍᵒ   ʰᵒᵐᵉ   ?   “   grinning   ,   another   kiss   exchanged   with   the   HOPES   of   the   lack   of   underwear   being   reason   enough   to   call   the   night   short   .

@iinventor​   sent:   "   predictable   little   shit   ,      i   know   you   .   “

[rgerzaa]

there   wasn’t   one   ex   that   would   have   been   tougher   to   face   .   not   one   of   his   exes   he   wanted   to   see   less   .   not   a   SINGLE   ONE   who   he   was   as   bitter   over   as   he   was   with   tony   .   maybe   because   he’d   been   his   first   love   after   all   .   maybe   because   he’d   so   ˢʰᵃᵐᵉˡᵉˢˢˡʸ   used   steve’s   naive   heart   until   there   was   nothing   to   use   up   anymore   .   until   it   was   broken   into   pieces   and   brunette   MOVED   ON   without   him   .   a   grief   that   had   changed   his   life   so   drastically   ,   steve   ended   up   changing   ᵃˡᵐᵒˢᵗ   ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰᶤᶰᵍ   about   himself   .   now   ,   nothing   left   of   that   skinny   shy   dude   .   now   he’s   grown   up   .   and   yet   ,   facing   him   didn’t   feel   any   less   distressing   .   there   isn’t   really   ANYTHING   steve   wants   to   tell   him   .   nothing   that   needs   to   be   discussed   now   ,   not   all   those   years   later   .   but   of   course   the   ᵗᵉʳʳᵒʳ   ᵗᵃᵇˡᵉᵗ   had   sent   them   on   a   date   .   of   fcking   course   it   had   to   CHOOSEN   making   his   life   more   miserable   when   it   could   .   “   you   couldn’t   have   picked   a   different   show   to   get   on   and   fill   your   bank   account   more   ,   hm   ?   had   to   come   here   to   taunt   me   .   i   shouldn’t   be   as   surprised   really   .   “   shaking   his   head   a   little   ,   steve   slurps   on   the   COCKTAIL   they’d   been   served   .   not   even   the   burning   taste   of   the   drink   helped   him   to   ᶜᵃˡᵐ   ᵈᵒʷᶰ   when   he   was   furious   inside   .   /   @iinventor​

[rgerzaa]

steve   hadn’t   even   bothered   waking   up   tony   after   trying   to   step   out   and   being   greeted   with   a   wall   of   snow   .   that   had   been   A   HELL   OF   A   STORM   last   night   and   luckily   tony’s   dad   and   he   had   already   discussed   how   they’d   handle   the   farm   for   the   time   of   the   storm   .   automatic   feeding   in   the   barns   they   couldn’t   easily   get   to   and   the   rest   dad   would   make   sure   to   check   on   .   good   thing   ᵗʰᵉʸ   ʰᵃᵈ   ᵉˣᵖᵉᶜᵗᵉᵈ   ᵗʰᵉ   ʷᵉᵃᵗʰᵉʳ   to   get   worse   for   a   while   .   with   tony   still   in   bed   and   deeply   asleep   ,   and   the   home   couldn’t   be   left   either   ...   there   wasn’t   much   to   do   .   even   if   he   was   awake   now   .   so   ,   STEVE   DID   THE   ONLY   REASONABLE   THING   .   after   making   a   little   fire   in   the   fireplace   to   heat   up   their   home   ,   cowboy   changed   out   of   his   work   clothes   so   he   could   slip   back   into   bed   with   his   husband   .   both   arms   wrap   around   him   to   ᵖᵘˡˡ   ʰᶤᵐ   ᶤᶰᵗᵒ   ʰᶤˢ   ˢᵗʳᵒᶰᵍ   ᶜʰᵉˢᵗ   ,   kiss   dropped   to   his   forehead   and   he   pulls   the   blanket   up   a   little   higher   .   “   are   you   cold   ?   “   he   speaks   in   a   quiet   tone   when   he   feels   tony   stirring   from   his   sleep   .

@iinventor​   drew:   12   our   muses   snowed   in   together   due   to   a   snow   storm

[rgerzaa]

it   didn’t   even   matter   which   traditions   they   would   follow   this   christmas   .   he   didn’t   want   to   choose   which   movies   they   watched   ,   what   they   ate   ,   didn’t   even   want   to   have   a   say   in   the   DECORATION   OF   THE   TREE   .   tony   and   morgan   could   gladly   decide   all   that   because   steve’s   biggest   dream   for   the   end   of   this   year   was   becoming   true   .   he’d   see   her   .   ˢʰᵉ   ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ   ˢᶤᵗ   ᵃᵗ   ᵗʰᵉ   ᵗᵃᵇˡᵉ   ʷᶤᵗʰ   ᵗʰᵉᵐ   ,   would   unwrap   her   presents   with   them   there   ,   would   play   with   morgan   ,   would   sit   on   his   lap   when   they   sang   a   christmas   carol   together   .   they’d   be   reunited   .   and   it   was   all   steve   could   ask   for   .   “   sure   .   we   have   a   few   at   home   from   past   christmases   .   emma   might   have   grown   out   of   hers   so   we   could   head   to   the   store   and   pick   up   a   new   one   for   her   .   “   this   was   good   .   it   gave   him   purpose   .   it   gave   him   SOMETHING   TO   WORK   TOWARDS   TO      .   a   perspective   .   if   they   were   finally   willing   to   let   him   see   his   daughter   ,   maybe   the   decision   to   let   her   come   home   wasn’t   far   off   .   ᵈᶤʳᵗʸ   ᵇˡᵒᶰᵈ   ᵗᵘʳᶰˢ   ʰᶤˢ   ʰᵉᵃᵈ   ᵗᵒ   ᵗᵒᶰʸ   .   “   you   wanna   head   down   now   ?   you   needed   some   more   things   for   the   tree   anyway   ,   right   ?   “

@iinventor​   sent:   “   everyone   wears   ugly   christmas   sweaters   ,   it’ll   be   fun   .   “

[rgerzaa]

it’s   hard   to   look   away   when   the   uniform   fits   her   perfectly   .   when   the   hat   sits   on   her   head   which   she   holds   up   proudly   ,   badges   worn   with   so   much   dignity   ,   the   smile   on   her   face   SO   PURE   AND   SO   HONEST   .   he   loves   it   .   even   if   they   have   not   truly   addressed   the   feelings   for   each   other   yet   ,   steve   loves   seeing   her   like   this   .   ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ   ʰᵉ   ˡᵒᵛᵉˢ   ʰᵉʳ   ˡᶤᵏᵉ   ᵗʰᶤˢ   .   maybe   steve   rogers   is   in   love   .   maybe   .   so   many   maybes   .   all   of   them   irrelevant   today   .   her   big   day   .   he   was   going   to   take   none   of   the   attention   that   belonged   to   just   her   .   “   you   look   like   you   are   exactly   where   you   should   be   and   it   amazes   me   .   you   know   what   they   say   .   it’s   not   the   title   that   makes   the   man   a   champion   .   ᵗʰᵉ   ᵐᵃᶰ   ᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ   ᵗʰᵉ   ᵗᶤᵗˡᵉ   .   or   woman   .   and   i   know   you   will   .   i   know   already   of   all   the   prestige   YOU   WILL   BRING   TO   YOUR   TITLE   ,   captain   santiago   .   “   dirty   blond   stands   back   ,   watches   her   with   bright   eyes   ,   clearly   deeply   caught   in   his   adoration   for   her   .   not   nearly   as   slick   as   he   had   thought   he   would   be   .

@havenforged​   sent:   "   why   are   you   looking   at   me   like   that   ?   “

[rgerzaa]

he   shakes   his   head   ,   not   willingly   to   accept   that   answer   .   “   ʸᵒᵘ   ʰᵃᵛᵉ   ᵗᵒ   ᵈᵒ   ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ   ᵗʰᵃᶰ   ᵗʰᵃᵗ   ,   tony   .   what   do   you   really   want   for   christmas   ?   “   since   it   had   been   a   while   SINCE   THE   TWO   OF   THEM   had   truly   just   felt   like   a   normal   couple   ,   they   both   fully   intended   on   making   the   most   out   of   where   they   found   themselves   now   .   steve   becoming   himself   again   more   and   more   ,   day   by   day   he   regained   confidence   and   found   ᶰᵉʷ   ʷᵃʸˢ   ᵗᵒ   ᵗʳᶤᶜᵏ   ʰᶤˢ   ᵒʷᶰ   ᵇʳᵃᶤᶰ   into   recovering   .   tony   ,   like   always   ,   the   strong   partner   by   his   side   .   it   was   time   to   give   him   something   back   .   not   just   a   christmas   present   .   but   steve   wanted   him   to   know   that   he   could   rely   on   him   again   .   that   he   was   stable   .   that   they’d   be   LIKE   THEY   USED   TO   and   stronger   .   “   sleep   on   it   .   give   me   a   real   answer   tomorrow   .   what   do   you   wish   for   ?   really   ?   and   don’t   think   about   the   money   in   it   .   “   ʰᵉ’ᵈ   ᵐᵃᵏᵉ   ᶤᵗ   ʷᵒʳᵏ   .   after   all   ,   it   was   christmas   !

@iinventor​   sent:   "   i   already   have   everything   i   ever   wanted   .   “

[rgerzaa]

a   hand   runs   through   his   hair   and   deep   breath   is   taken   .   steve   leans   forward   ,   elbows   resting   against   his   own   thighs   .   blue   eyes   directed   down   ,   gaze   thrown   on   the   floor   .   SHE   IS   RIGHT   .   she   is   right   but   it’s   hard   to   admit   .   he’s   not   a   cheater   .   never   has   been   and   it   never   crossed   his   mind   before   scar   and   he   had   gotten   involved   .   before   she   had   pointed   out   ʲᵘˢᵗ   ʰᵒʷ   ʰᵒʳʳᶤᵇˡᵉ   ᵒˡᶤᵛᶤᵃ   ᵗʳᵉᵃᵗᵉᵈ   ʰᶤᵐ   .   how   there   was   no   need   for   him   to   put   up   with   all   of   that   .   before   scarlett   had   shown   him   what   affection   could   feel   like   .   IT   WAS   ADDICTIVE   .   so   addictive   that   last   night   he’d   surrendered   .   had   given   in   to   the   urge   to   taste   her   lips   and   to   feel   her   hands   on   his   body   .   ᵃᶰᵈ   ᵃˢ   ᵐᵘᶜʰ   ᵒᶠ   ᵃ   ˢᶤᶰ   ᵃˢ   ᶤᵗ   ʷᵃˢ   ,   it   had   felt   heavenly   .   and   that   part   that   had   made   him   give   in   was   now   the   part   that   was   able   to   see   her   words   were   right   .   there   was   no   need   to   regret   what   had   happened   .   not   when   HIS   RELATIONSHIP   WITH   OLIVIA   WAS   OVER   .   he   just   needed   to   say   it   out   loud   .   needed   to   find   the   courage   to   drive   home   and   tell   it   to   her   .   

“   i   know   .   “   dirty   blond   sighs   finally   .   “   i   don’t   regret   it   either   .   i   just   wish   i   had   better   circumstances   to   offer   .   not   ...   this   .   “   ʰᵉᵃᵈ   ᵗᵘʳᶰˢ   ᵗᵒ   ᶠᶤᶰᵃˡˡʸ   ˡᵒᵒᵏ   ᵃᵗ   ʰᵉʳ   .   heavy   weight   on   his   shoulders   ,   half   a   smile   on   his   lips   .   

@duttongirl​   sent:   "   this   was   a   mistake   ,   but   i   don't   regret   making   it   .   “

[rgerzaa]

“   if   you're   feeling   like   you   need   ᵃ   ˡᶤᵗᵗˡᵉ   ᵇᶤᵗ   ᵒᶠ   ᶜᵒᵐᵖᵃᶰʸ   you   met   me   at   THE   PERFECT   TIME   .   “   –   @firefated​   liked   for   a   starter

[rgerzaa]

“   And   did   you   think   THIS   FOOL   could   never   win   ?   ʷᵉˡˡ   ˡᵒᵒᵏ   ᵃᵗ   ᵐᵉ,   i'm   coming   back   again   .   “   –   @goldshadows​   liked   for   a   starter

[rgerzaa]

“   say   i'm   gonna   leave   A   HUNDRED   TIMES   a   day   .   it's   easier   said   ᵗʰᵃᶰ   ᵈᵒᶰᵉ   .   “   –   @midtownshope​   liked   for   a   starter

[rgerzaa]

both   hands   pushed   into   the   pockets   of   jeans   .   casually   dressed   with   the   hopes   of   not   getting   ʳᵉᶜᵒᵍᶰᶤᶻᵉᵈ   ,   base   cap   sitting   on   his   head   ,   pulled   down   low   to   throw   shade   on   his   eyes   .   not   to   be   seen   .   not   seeing   ANYONE   .   not   until   he   was   here   .   here   ,   where   he   didn’t   belong   ,   where   he   shouldn’t   have   come   .   wells   had   every   right   to   ask   ,   to   be   surprised   .   if   it   was   ᵗʰᵉ   ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ   ʷᵃʸ   around   he   would   have   reacted   the   same   way   .   captain   clears   his   throat   ,   head   tilted   up   .   desperate   attempt   to   see   HIM   even   though   he   knows   that   part   of   his   life   is   over   .   in   the   past   .   jasper   and   he:   ʰᶤˢᵗᵒʳʸ   .   “   i’m   ...   not   entirely   sure   .   “   short   awkward   twitch   of   the   corner   of   his   mouth   .   this   place   isn’t   going   to   give   him   what   he   had   hoped   for   .   “   i   thought   ...   coming   here   would   give   me   the   FINAL   CLOSURE   .   “   self-destructive   in   a   way   –   that   he   had   hoped   to   see   something   that’d   anger   him   enough   to   finally   say   fck   it   and   ᵇᵉ   ᶠʳᵉᵉ   ᵃᵍᵃᶤᶰ   .   now   ,   instead   ,   ex’   best   friend   faced   .   “   my   bad   ,   sorry   .   i   didn’t   come   to   stir   the   pot   .   “   crap   ,   so   easily   making   a   fool   of   himself   .   so   obvious   to   the   fact   that   after   all   these   years   ,   he   still   knows   nothing   about   relationships   .   or   ending   them   .

@godbarks​   sent:   “   why   are   you   here   ?   “   

[rgerzaa]

steve   had   to   think   about   it   for   a   moment   .   many   years   had   passed   since   he   last   had   the   chance   to   truly   dwell   on   christmas   celebrations   .   to   get   THE   MOST   out   of   the   time   ,   out   of   the   warm   lights   ,   ᵗʰᵉ   ˢʷᵉᵉᵗ   ˢᵐᵉˡˡˢ   ,   the   feeling   of   family   .   so   long   that   he’d   almost   forgotten   how   much   he   used   to   enjoy   christmas   when   his   mother   had   still   BEEN   AROUND   .   touchy   topic   for   so   many   years   .   maybe   it   was   time   to   let   that   go   .   to   allow   himself   the   joy   of   it   once   more   .   maybe   ,   if   they   got   to   share   it   ,   he’d   love   this   ᵗᶤᵐᵉ   ᵒᶠ   ᵗʰᵉ   ʸᵉᵃʳ   once   again   .   “   i   used   to   love   ...   “   short   pause   .   gaze   drifts   .   tries   to   remember   .   tries   to   pick   a   favorite   memory   ,   faint   but   there   .   “   ...   going   out   to   pick   a   tree   .   MY   MOTHER   used   to   let   me   choose   and   once   we   hunted   down   the   one   we   carried   it   home   and   put   on   the   lights   .   we   used   to   craft   stars   out   of   straw   and   hung   them   in   the   tree   .   spent   ᵃ   ʷʰᵒˡᵉ   ᵈᵃʸ   on   it   .   “   small   smile   grown   ON   HIS   FACE   .   the   slight   tug   at   his   heart   accepted   as   the   ache   after   a   person   who   no   longer   was   in   his   life   .   but   she’d   always   be   there   .   always   where   he   felt   that   little   weight   on   his   heart   .   so   it’d   be   alright   .   ocean   eyes   find   face   of   the   other   man   again   .   he   is   also   at   home   in   steve’s   heart   .   “   tell   me   about   your   traditions   .   ʷᵉ   ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ   ᵈᵒ   something   we   both   ENJOY   .   considering   ...   we   get   a   little   while   here   before   the   world   goes   crazy   again   .   “

@atimebomb​   sent:   “   what   is   your   favorite   tradition   ?   “